No it’s not Valentines yet. I was invited to speak on a radio show just a few days ago. On air we talked a lot about trauma, how it happens, and what to do about it.
We talked about how trauma is such a taboo in our society, yet it is everywhere and a lot of people think that being abused is a part of life.
We asked the question, “Why is it that people stay in relationships that aren’t good for them and why is it that they choose to be treated badly over being alone?”
The answer that I have come to is that it is all about love.
When we come into this world we expect it to be the way that the spirit world, the world that we came from was. We expect our family and earth to be a safe place-a place filled with love and kindness.
We expect it to be a place of oneness.
But it isn’t.
We leave the spirit world to incarnate into duality. The relationship with our mother then becomes the first experience of duality. Then all the other experiences we make with people and in life contribute more to that sense of separateness.
A yearning gets instilled in our heart. A yearning that will ultimately not only lead us to heal our own broken hearts but the heart of the planet as a whole.
First we think it’s about our mother’s love and our parent’s approval. We go out into the world and study hard, work hard, and maybe even have financial success, but inside we are still yearning.
Then we think it’s about loving ourselves and being happy and fulfilled with just that. We stand our own man, become independent and not “needy”, but again we realize the yearning hasn’t ended, we are still searching.
Still searching for love.
We try to quench our thirst for love with food, with work, and even with our children. But still there is this yearning.
The pain that feeling unloved, or feeling separated creates in us is the fuel that keeps us moving forward towards a greater depth of ourselves. It keeps us moving forward in the search to find the answer to our deepest hearts’ desires.
It’s all about love.
Even if you think that your boss and your work has nothing to do with it. Even if you think your ex or your car has nothing to do with it.
Whatever triggers you and makes you upset acts as a pointer.
It says: “Right now you are afraid or angry or sad.”
It says: “When will you love yourself enough that having these feelings is okay?”
It says: “Stay with the feeling and give yourself permission to be all of who you are.”
It says: “It’s all about love, remember?”
We stay in bad relationships until we wake up and remember that it’s all about love. We stay in bad relationships until we realize that love doesn’t come from our parents, love doesn’t come from our partner, love doesn’t even come or go from me. Love always is and I am either open to seeing, feeling and living it or not.
The question then becomes, how can I live life as an expression of love?
I couldn’t stay in abusive relationship when I had arrived at that question. Leaving was an expression of love for me and for him.
As I am writing this today, I have no idea where this is coming from, but I trust that you need to hear these words to make the next step on your journey.