Family Constellation therapy or better said Family Constellation work (as it is properly named) is a therapeutic process that was developed in the second half of the 20st century, by a man named Bert Hellinger.
Today Hellinger is known as the father of phenomenological psychotherapy. Phenomenological psychotherapy is an approach that was developed out of observation of phenomena, things that occur on their own without any human doing. Beginning in the 1930s, several therapists, including social worker Virginia Satyr and psychiatrist Jakob Moreno, started seeing the individual client in the context of a family system rather than as an isolated person. Out of their work, the systemic approach to psychotherapy developed.
Hellinger fell in love with this systemic approach, and by working with it extensively, he began observing certain recurring, age-old, hidden “Orders of Love” that operate in the depths of family organisms, which became the spine of the Family Constellation work. (We will discuss these orders next week in depth.)
I was drawn to this work early in my training as a psychotherapist. Most of the modalities I was learning seemed to have some inherent possibility of client manipulation; they all seemed to leave room for interpretation by the therapist, which meant that the client didn’t necessarily get the truth. I was only interested in finding modalities that worked with truth rather than with the opinion of the therapist. Family Constellation work, if it is done right, is the only modality that is waterproof against the therapist’s conscious or unconscious manipulative influences.
Clients, when working with a therapist, are in an extremely vulnerable position. They come to the therapist placing their lives somewhat in their hands. Working phenomenally rules out any power I have over my client. Working phenomenally means that you work with what is shown by the process itself, visible to any outside bystander and not just to the therapist. This approach completely shifts the therapist/client dynamic to that of equals, observing together an unfolding process.
Family Constellation work shows this to anyone who watches. I promised you in the title of this article that I would answer the questions: What is Family Constellation therapy?
Traditionally, Family Constellations were only done in group settings. Today there are many versions of the original process, as almost every facilitator has added his or her wisdom and additional background to it. It can be done one-on-one and even over the phone. I have developed my own way of working with single clients with Constellations called “Soul Motions.” I have seen group Constellations that were very effective and some that were ineffective. I have also seen one-on-one Constellations that were very effective and some that were not. It all depends on the skill level of the facilitator and the readiness of the client to do the work.
I will describe the process from a group setting perspective. The only disadvantage that people sometimes see in group work is that they have to become “naked” in front of others which can feel uncomfortable. From a therapeutic perspective, allowing yourself to become vulnerable in front of other human beings can be healing in and of itself, but people should still have the choice, and I do respect personal preferences.
When done in a group, this is what a Constellation looks like. Let’s say it is your Constellation.
To begin, you and the facilitator, the one who is leading the Constellation, would have a conversation in private before the group actually meets. During that conversation, the facilitator asks you to relate what your issues or blocks are.
He or she also asks you if there were any tragedies, early deaths, unborn children, acts of crime, etc. in your family that you know of. Not just in your immediate family but as far back as you can remember. The facilitator is not so much interested in hearing all the stories of personal drama that are going on between family members, but only true facts such as your father’s mother died when he was two or your grandfather was killed in the war. Based on the information the facilitator receives from you and based on the Orders of Love, the facilitator will have a sense of which people it would be beneficial to have represented in your Constellation .
Generally, the work is done with only one side of the family at a time. For example, I wouldn’t work with your father’s side of the family at the same time as with your mother’s side, or, if you are married, your side and your husband’s.
There are several forms a Constellation can take. Some Constellations involve your family members, some might involve parts of yourself, others involve greater universal concepts like you and God or you and life. Still others might involve you alone but at different times in your life. And there are several other forms that I am not mentioning here. The most traditional forms, and in my opinion the most profound ones, especially when you are first starting, are the classical Family Constellations. From what I have seen and experienced, the family is our root, our base. After we have done some groundwork, we can expand and experiment and gain insight into other aspects of ourselves.
Let’s say the issue you want to work on is healing your broken heart. Let’s just assume for example’s sake that I am your facilitator, and in our private conversation you told me that there are no tragedies on your mother’s side, but your father’s mother died when your father was four years old. I don’t know the reasons why, nor do I want to know why, unlike in other therapy modalities.
The other group participants don’t know anything about you. They only know what you state your issue is. They know that you want to work on healing your broken heart.
When a Constellation is “set up,” we always try to start as small as possible. After you state your issue to the group, which generally consists of 15-20 people, I then check in with you about how you are doing. When you are ready, I tell you who needs to be represented in your Constellation. We need someone to represent you, someone to represent your father, and someone to represent your mother. In a Constellation, other people from the group are asked to represent the members of your family or the parts that are needed in a Constellation. Your physical relatives aren’t actually in the room.
People who stand in for your family members are called representatives, because that is what they do—they represent those people or parts, rather than play them, as in a role play. This is a crucial distinction of Constellation work and the reason it is phenomenological. If a person were to play your mother, they would act out of their own interpretation and most likely mix their story in with yours. When people represent, as opposed to play, they are simply asked to pay attention to phenomena that occur in their bodies and souls, which leaves very little room for their ego and story to become involved.
Next, you choose the people in the group who will represent you and your family members. You get up from your chair and intuitively approach whomever feels right for representing you, your mother, or your father. You stand in front of them, look them in the eye, and ask them if they are willing to represent your mother, father, and you. When someone has agreed to represent, he or she will also get up from the chair and stand and wait in a designated area until you have picked all representatives; they then stand in a row.
Your next step is to set up the representatives into an actual Constellation; this is why the work received its name, as a constellation is a specific organization of elements. To begin, you place all representatives, one after the other, in different locations in the room. You do this by stepping behind each one of them, closing your eyes, holding on to their shoulders, and letting your body intuitively guide you and them to a place that feels right in the room. You might place the representative for yourself on the outside looking in, your father on the opposite side looking away, and your mother in between the two of you. Next you take a seat, and all you have to do from that point on is sit and watch what unfolds.
What unfolds is often times unbelievable, almost magical, and very hard to describe in words. This is where the phenomenon takes over and the truth about your issue is most often revealed. The “strangers” that you picked to represent your family, just by means of you placing them in certain locations and relationships in the room, and by feeling what is physically and emotionally going on within them, seem to know the truth of your issue.
What Hellinger observed over and over again in doing this process was that illness or disease develops in a system when the love that wants to flow naturally between all the members, whether it is within a family and organization or one person, can’t flow.
A Constellation naturally starts out showing the state where love doesn’t flow and ideally ends up in a state where the love between the different elements, people and family members flows again. This resurrected flow in Constellation terms is called the resolution. Basically it can be said that when love is flowing, there is peace.
All our issues are essentially a variation on the same theme, I don’t have love and I need love.
Generally, a Constellation takes about 45 minutes from start to resolution. During that time, the client watches their representatives move, which changes the dynamic; they will also say certain things and the facilitator will guide them to state “healing sentences” to each other. Often times the Constellation itself will ask for things, like people being added or taken out. Shifts begin to happen within the client by simply observing what is happening, by paying close attention to the phenomenon.
Let’s take our example of your father looking in a specific direction and wanting to stay focused there. As an observer, a reasonable question to ask is, what or who is he looking at rather than looking at your mother and you? Based on what you told me before the Constellation, I know your father lost his mother at a young age. I will bring a representative in for his mother and see if he has a reaction to it. The representative doesn’t know who I am placing across from him, because you and I talked before meeting with the group. One scenario could be that the father’s representative, when faced with your father’s mother’s representative, would fall on his knees and start sobbing.
Such movement is a sign that in order for you to find resolution, your father has to be able to reconnect with his mother, whom he is still missing. This missing makes your father unable to look at you, or in other words, to be present for you. You, in turn, were longing for your father’s love all your life and weren’t getting it. Your soul, knowing about the state of your father’s soul, broke your heart. The pain you were feeling was not only the pain of yearning for your father’s love, but also the pain of his broken heart, caused by his early loss.
In your relationships with your intimate partners, you were unconsciously looking for your father’s love. Your lovers pick this longing up unconsciously as well, and it pushes them energetically away, because on a soul level they know they can never replace your father’s love. In a way, what you are unconsciously asking of them is too much. Only when you get your father’s love from your father are you free to receive the appropriate kind of love from your lover. Only when you are receiving your father’s love will the love that you receive from a lover satisfy your heart.
This is a very simplified explanation of what might be the cause of your hurting heart and your relationship dilemma. But more important than finding out the cause is the actual emotional integration that is happening within you while you are watching the Constellation and the resolution.
Constellations are so powerful because you get to connect with the truth of your emotional imprints, those unconscious patterns that keep you stuck in life.
Often representatives feel it for you, and they can help you to move it out and through your system by letting the energy go through their own system. No talk is necessary, no mind, no analyzing. The only thing necessary is you seeing the truth about yourself and your family, your loved ones, and authentically connecting with your feelings.