If you are anything like me then you have spent a lot of time and effort trying to find the one.
You might be in a relationship at the moment or you might be on your own.
If you are in a relationship you may be finding yourself doubting if he is the right one at all times. You feel confused and unsatisfied and this not knowing and not feeling your heart’s fulfillment is just such an energy drain and makes you feel heavy and unhappy.
If you are by yourself right now, you have probably altogether given up on the hope that true love is out there for you and you have tried to learn to give it all to yourself.
On some days you succeed, but on others the raucous yearning of your heart is all you can see, smell, hear and feel.
Either way you would give the world to experience certainty and happiness in your loving.
In other words, you would give the world to finally be with the „one“ – the love of your life.
If you were with him you know all doubts would vanish, your heart would jump for joy, and you could relax and be happy. He would always be there and hold you, stay by your side, support you, love you and you would never be alone.
Why is it that he hasn’t found you? Why has your prince not arrived on his white horse to sweep you away?
(Or maybe he did for a while but then he left and now you think it will never happen again)
You are wondering:
“What is wrong with me?”
“Will he ever come or am I stupid and in vain to keep hoping?”
“What can I do to make him find me?”
I want to tell you my story because I think it will inspire you and give you hope and help you on your quest of attracting true love.
As a little girl I made a promise to myself that I would only marry out of true love.
I would only marry my prince and no less.(not like all the grown up couples who had settled for less, who were super unhappy, who didn’t talk with each other, or if they did, they only yelled and screamed)
Fast forward to my 26th year of life…
Boyfriend number x, who I was sure to marry and have kids with (after just knowing him for 3 weeks) had dumped me and I was completely heartbroken (again and again and again).
I meet this very nice man. He helps me get back on my feet. He cooks for me, spends time with me and is just nice and things are easy.
(You know what I mean: he calls, he’s there -none of the usual drama)
We hang out and hang out and hang some more and of course eventually one thing leads to another.
We did use birth control but the universe had a different plan for us.
After just knowing him for a couple months I found out that I was expecting.
We got married, we have our daughter and we live life together. We have our issues but all in all we are a very good team.
If there just wasn’t that promise that I had made to myself.
I just didn’t feel anything. I just didn’t feel like I had been swooped by my prince.
I kept being pulled towards this other imaginary man. I would call him the love of my life and I was convinced that he was still out there waiting for me. (The one who would just cherish me as if I was his most precious, the one whose love for me was so steadfast that none of my moods or emotional storms would blow away)
After our daughter turned 4 and I finally had some time to be myself and not just a mommy anymore and I woke up one morning realizing that I had not been true to myself. I had not married out of love and I had to rectify this.
So I took off my wedding band and presented my very surprised husband with my newfound truth.
He had known that we had issues, but he never thought I would leave. He was shocked. As it turned out he loved me very much.
I separated from him and moved out and on with my life. (Or so I thought).
I wanted to have my own space so I could meet other men and most importantly find my true love and have him stay with me.
I started seeing other men and every time the same thing would happen.
(It was actually the same thing that had been happening with me and men before I met my husband).
I would fall in love but they just didn’t. Every time I would think: he really is the one because, blabla bla bla bla and then he wasn’t.
So, I gave up on the whole “the love your life is out there” thing and started buying into thinking I have it all within me. I didn’t need anyone out there to feel loved.I didn’t need anyone to be happy.
So I tried being on my own and being completely satisfied and happy with that for a while, but that didn’t really make it go away either.
I grew more desperate and afraid. It seemed like a lot of self help books promoted that you need to fully be happy on your own before you can attract true love.
I doubted that I would ever get there.
Luckily, the whole time I was going through this, my husband didn’t stop loving me and wanting to be with me. Shortly after I had broken up with him we did find out that we were expecting again. To him, the fact that we were having another baby was a sign from God that we belonged together. For me it so was not. (At that time it was the most annoying thing for me that he thought this was the case, he just wouldn’t go away.)
After a big fight in front of our midwife, I agreed to see a therapist (but just for the baby’s sake).
So we went to see her and her first question to me was, “So Carolin, you told me that you are a therapist yourself so when I ask you what your core wound is, you know what I mean right?”
And I said: “Yes, of course I do.” (Your core wound is that thing in your childhood that messed you up).
So she asks me, and my answer is: “Well I was abused as a little girl.”
Then she says: “Well I hope you are aware that your problem is that you are still not trusting men?”
I go: “Huhhh? I totally trust men. He is just not the right one!”
She pauses: “Well he says he loves you and he wants to be with you”.
Me: “No, he doesn’t, he is just saying this. And either way I don’t care because my one is still out there waiting for me”
After the session I went home, very rattled within my paradigm.
I started trying to translate what this woman had said to me, and I came to the conclusion that she had basically said that even though I spent half of my life in therapy and worked through most of the self help books out there, I still hadn’t healed my past and because of that I wasn’t able to see true love when it was right in front of my eyes.
Part of me was very doubtful. Part of me just wanted to move on and make my husband wrong and responsible for my aching heart. But part of me also wanted to see. Part of me wanted to heal. Part of me wanted to have the love of my life.
This part, as it turned out the bigger part of me, wanted to find out if the love of my life had always been just right in front of my nose. I was wondering, “Did I still have to learn how to let love in?”
So I got curious and started to play with what I would need to change in order to have what I wanted.
I got clues and insights. I realized that a lot had to do with me getting into my true feminine nature, which meant letting my guard down, becoming vulnerable, showing my true face and keeping my heart open at all times.
I started looking for tools that would help me to accomplish all of the above.
Slowly but surely they started appearing one by one.
Today I am in deep gratitude for the love that my husband and I share.
After being separated for more than 8 months, on our anniversary last year I decided to put my wedding band back on and I made a commitment.
The commitment wasn’t to him, but to love itself.
Because the moment you are able to live as love and with an open heart, you will either realize that the love of your life has always been right in front of your nose, or if that isn’t the case, it will show up and stay with you, and I don’t just mean in an esoteric sense, I mean that the moment that you truly love with an open heart, your man will be there to share it with you.
If you would like to get help healing your past so you can live with an open heart, check out the Blossom Journey, it’s the exact tool that I used to heal my broken heart and to find the love of my life.
I know he is out there for you, go and get him (-: